Every 28 Days

Positive Ovulation Test! 2-14-2012

Every 28 days I have an opportunity to get pregnant.

My body is perfectly regulated.  My period is always 4 days.  I always ovulate on day 14.  I always get a positive pregnancy test on day 21.

Before I ever got pregnant my period was just something annoying, something that interrupted my routine.  Now my period is something very different.

It is a lost opportunity. A wasted egg that can never be used.  It is 4 days of forced reminders that I'm not pregnant, I don't have any children and my womb will remain empty.

Disappointment, as an adult, isn't easy.  I still have to go to work, make responsible choices and carry on with my commitments.  But, behind closed doors, I can respond to my disappointment like I did as a child: lay on the floor, cry, stomp my feet and cry some more.

You always have two choices: let something take over your life or find a way to make the best of the situation.  So, for today, I will cry.  But tomorrow I am going to take one step closer to having a baby.

I have avoided pursuing the final fertility tests because for me they are a surrender.  They make me feel like a failure as a woman  because having babies is what I was MADE to do!!!!  Just calling the "Fertility Clinic" is painful for me BUT I am going to schedule the tests ........